Happiness at Easter time.

Time: 12:36
Its technically Easter today.
Although the holiday holds no special significance too me, due to the fact I'm not Christian nor a massive fan of Easter eggs, i still wish for holidays too be special, and happy. which is quite strange; its the same with Christmas.
But in my quest too make the holidays fun, i managed to fuck it up in the space of 30min.

I have just had a huge argument with my mother.
At 12:01.

I'm not entirely sure how this argument irrupted; I believe it was mostly due to me; obviously being an typical
"emotionally void teenage boy".
It was something on the line of mum coming up stairs too show me a work placement she had found on the internet with the BBC. In which i replied "ow cool mum, But iv managed to find quite a cool one, working for BBC radio derby, iv pretty much sorted it, just need to sort a few bits and bobs to send it"
In which mum reply s "Have you really? Or is this a lie."
I stare at her blankly until i realised she insisted i had lied.
In which i respond, by showing her the email, in which shows that i was interested in the placement, and i just need to send the application.
She looks at it and says; "You lied, you said you had sorted it"
"No.. I said i had sorted the placement, i just need to change a few things on the application"
At this point, i had raised my voice; Not in anger, but in retaliation to my mums voice, even though im aware That she says this is due to her being Half Deaf, i still have the instinct to shout back.
This argument lasted a few minutes, in which she repeatedly called me a 
"chronic lier" & "Lieing out'a my teeth to avoid any situation". 
 and also linked my lieing to my failed relationships and school work.

I didn't really know how to respond.
At this point i had realised, this was more than just about work placement, it was about something that had been nagging my mother for a while now.
She believes I'm  a chronic lier.
Lieing in order to get out of every situation iv not liked, or not wanted to be in.
She said i could ask any of my Ex girlfriends, or old school teachers.

I'm currently sat in my room questioning myself if i do lie to get out of situations.
I'm not going to lie, I have been known to lie at times, but no more and no little as any other man.
But rarely to get out of situations
And if i do lie, its only to wind someone up or a little white one.
But i hate real lies.
Especially Personal lies.

Basicly, if i am guilty of this; I hate myself.

I sent my mother a letter under her door, ( sad, i know) saying that i appreciates what she does for me, and that id appreciate it if we could speak about the currently situation.
I listened to the footsteps, and she just walked back over to the t.v and turn it on.
She obviously doesn't want to speak to me then.

Me and my mother have never particualy shared that ability to speak to one another like normal people do.
We both attempt to get to know each other, but i still feel there's a lot of find out about each other.

Current situation

My Mother thinks i lie
My step father wants to kill me for making my mother cry.
My Father thinks im fucking weird.
Me and my girlfriend of two years have broken up; although this is hard, we agreed to end on happy terms.
I'm currently in the stage of self pitty/self hatred.
I found a tiny bald spot, in which still scares the shit out of me.
Im scared shitless of failing my course.
Although some close friends have cheered me up
I currently hate my life and self.
I worry all the time, that im mental
My friends are slowly slipping through my fingers like sand: I miss Katie, Andy,Amy, paul and Tish. and friends in L.e
I worry i over think.
The life of typical teenager i guess.

But there is one tiny glimmer of happiness in this shit hole of an abbys, and i hope it pulls me out off all this mess.

 I appolgise that None of this makes sense, but the point is, things are kinda shit.
Please comment me if you think i lie.
If this is true, i will change.
Part of me hopes people think i lie, as so i feel my mother isnt being weird with me
Part of me hopes you dont, as I'll hate myself for becoming something i strongly disagree with.

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