I have had the total of 4 hours sleep in the space of 9 days.
Its been a long time since iv written a blog, which is a pity, as i feel its the only time i can have a one to one chat with myself.
Iv been feeling very self conscious of myself recently, not about the way i look, but the way i feel.
I feel myself becoming unaware of who i am anymore.
I have become Embedded in a world of self pity and disillusion once again.
If i carry on spending time on my own, in the dark, thinking about life, il soon become so self aware, i shan't exist. I'll become an entity lolz
Quite a worrying concept.
Iv always been told i think to much into detail, but i feel theres so much more that we don't understand about certain objects and people.
I feel i don't see objects, The same way normal people do, nor do i feel i think the same way as normal people.
I don't think this is because I'm abnormal as such, but i do often worry allot about my psychology, No normal person would go into such detail in his mind like i do.
Once i start a thought process, i feel its like a never ending tunnel at times.
A dark, cramp tunnel.
But yet again, this one to one time always leads to the repetitive question of:
Who am I?
Yet again, I'm questioning my own life.
Questioning if I, myself is normal.
Its like I'm having a mid life crisis at the age of 19.
I know its wrong of me, but i watched a video of someone committing suicide.
Yes, i know.. its morally wrong, and i did question myself before & afterwards.
But I'm still not entirely sure why i did it.
no i have no idea why id do that.
I think its down to me yet again, over thinking about certain people and possibility's.
Yet again I'm questioning why i watched it.
But i don't regret it.
I guess its down to voyeurism.
And before you jump to your guns and think:
"fuck, Luke's bloody got himself all obsessed with killing himself, and i'll find his naked rotting corpse hanging from his shit celling tiles, grasping a note saying 'dear diary, mood apathetic...' ."
I shan't be making any suicide pacts with anyone, any time soon. haha
Bit of a weird blog here.... depressive thoughts and watching fucked up videos....
well, what can i say iv had a lot on my mind.
I didn't read this through, so if it makes no sense I'm sorry.
ow and if you could kindly:
If you know who I am, please remind me.