Socially Incapable.

Time:4:02.

Haven't slept in two days.
I'm listening to: This Will Destroy you. Such brilliant blogging music.

I'm not entirely sure how i feel. Mainly confused. A mix array of thoughts and emotions. Iv felt weird since Last night during an awkward chat, a friend pointed out how 'socially retarded' i am. Repetitively actually.

At first i felt anger. Until it struck me that i more thank likely am socially retarded.

Such a person has no idea how to act or communicate in the presence of others,Which i often find difficult. I find it difficult to process emotional responses. I find it difficult to respond to emotional questions. Maybe because i don't have the same emotions as normal people.

What is a normal emotion?

A prime example of me being socially retarded was last night, in which a friend was talking about her insecurity's about her body in which i said: (which when thinking back makes me seems such a dick)

"*^$£ eats allot and shes still well pretty"

It wasn't till i saw the reactions of her face i knew id said something wrong, i was overcome and confused. And then it hit me later that night about what i had said.
You see i never intended it too sound like that.

Now I know what you are thinking, “Luke you really are socially retarded, you never mention a girls weight.”, but let me try and explain:

Being blunt to the point of it being a fault, or saying something with no malice is no excuse. Intentions or not, it is my responsibility if I’ve offended them. Their perceived emotion is the only thing that matters. My problem is that I’m oblivious to their perceived emotion. The intention of the comment was to point out that my friend has no issue of caring about if she looks like supermodels, but still looks pretty, and this is a brilliant part of her personality that i adore.

I'm not entirely sure where this problem arrised,
But when i was young my natural tendency was to go read a book by myself rather than play with my peers. At the age of 13 emotions took hold of me, for certain reasons in which inevitably it lead to me not seeing or speaking to friends and family for 2 years. I believe those 2 years in solitude have left me to seem anti social and socially incapable of having a normal conversation with people. I must admit, i have the tendency to avoid people, but once i find someone who thinks similar to me, i latch on too them. which must stop.

My social retardation becomes more of an issue and even more apparent when I'm at a party and people begin to drink. People blurt out emotional responses, and i don't know how to react. And when i do react, i or they react badly. In the way that, that person didn't intend me too feel. which came all too apparent last week.

Not only do I say inappropriate abrasive comments, but I then don’t think people understand me and I repeat the comment, which in turn gets me in even more trouble. I'll have to admit some comments are just apart of my humour. People will soon (hopefully) understand my humour.

And this brings me to my point. I want to thank the people that not only put up with my shit, but then join in, and become my cohorts in Social Retardation. You people make me feel like I’m not the only socialy unaccepted person in this world. Thanks!

P.s i hate the new post editor, it hasn't got spell check.