Sleepless: The diary of an insomniac

I love this picture, simply becuase it replaces sheep for tofu.
I feel it represent me & my sleep.

Time: 4:36. I'm starting to worry.
As time has transpired and months have slipped away i have been left with innumerable sleepless nights, which are slowly destroying me. Am i destined to be left, staring endlessly into the darkness until the sunrises, signifying to me that i have to hurl my self out of bed in order too battle my way through an another day. It’s as if my body has forgotten how to go to sleep. In my darker moments I fear that I may have lost the 'art' of sleep forever.
I feel as if sleep has become a lost cause.
I find myself tossing and turning in bed, staring into the deep vast of darkness that surrounds me until i eventually give up, and try and decide what to accomplish with my time.
I'm scared of what may happen to me if i don't sleep.
In my sleepless nights, i research possible cures and read all the negative story's upon the Internet telling me how sleepless nights will one day undoubtedly kill me.
But i ask myself "you’re surviving, aren't you?” I concede that this is so. Indeed, I’m quite amazed how capable of functioning I am, in the circumstances. I tells myself all will soon pass.
Of course, I'm deceiving myself, i very much doubt it'll pass.
I read somewhere that insomnia is caused by low levels of the brain chemical serotonin. In which Prozac, is proscribed.
sometimes, at night i wish i had opted to take the pill, but it frightens me, lest it turn me into a zombie or damage my creativity.
If my brain chemicals are imbalanced, does this undoubtedly mean I'm insane?
If i take Prozac, will i become normal?
Will i become a different person?
or is it a hock of shit, and i wont be effected at all.
Only time will tell.

1 comment:

  1. I think your worries about become a different person are well founded. I wouldn't want to become somebody utterly different overnight. But I think that it's impossible to be anyone but you, even if the chemicals are imbalanced, does that mean that your soul is any different?

    i heard an amazing quote in a film not long ago

    "it's impossible to push our hearts sideways"

    basically saying you can't be anyone but who you are.