as you grow up, you learn that the one person who's not supposed to let us down probably will.

you'll have your heart broken, and break others hearts.

you'll fight with your best friend, or maybe even fall in love with them and you'll forget that time is flying by.

life comes with no guarantee's, no time outs, no second chances.

you just have to live your life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, and tell someone off.

A song i can relate too in a time of need.

I didn't know you, but I wish I did
These are the moments you're lost inside our heads
And as we hold on, hold onto these days
We try to fall asleep in the beds we've made
So if you're listening, will you still be there with no song left to sing

And just so you know, just so know
If you ever doubted, your presence
Or how in this world you fit
Remember without you, this song wouldn't exist
And now because of you
Ill never hesitate, Ill take my life on head first
Never looking back again

And when I think about
All of the things that ive missed
I'll never live that way

We'll try to hold on, onto these days
We'll tighten up this grip won't let it slip away
I know you're listening, you will still be here with no song left to sing

And just so you know, just so know
If you ever doubted, your presence
Or how in this world you fit
Remember without you, this song wouldn't exist
And now because of you
Ill never hesitate, Ill take my life on head first
Never looking back again

Take this hate out of heart
And fill my lungs with your love
I've grown stronger, stronger now

And when fall leaves, They turn to color
We'll wait for an Indian summer
In hopes of hearing your whispers
Keep us warm through every winter

ISOLATION

The realisation that I still don’t know what I’m doing here,
Put in perspective I am nothing,
It feels like something has been wasted, and I am fading
Time is growing against me as I grow tired of being
Just another soul spent searching for something inside,
I hate my fucking guts, I hate desire, I hate lust,
I hate humanity, I hate instinctively, I hate this fucking world for fucking hating me

The chasm in my chest
Screams of resounding emptiness
I’ve never tasted this bitterness
I never felt this solitude, worthlessness

So what great vision is this to sail amongst the vast indifference?
Accept a trail to hollow senses, where only tragedy breaks the numbness
So what great epiphany, will spell out beneath my feet?
Chain my wrists, and admit defeat, imprisoned by ‘the clarity’
So is this destiny, a doubtful life, feeling empty?
Worst of all to make me guilty, blindest of the blind, telling me to see
I might hate this world, I might hate myself
But I wont be a wasted soul, another ghost like everyone else

I know this is the first place you'll look.

And the answer is yes. Im doing fine. Now fuck off.

Viens

You've got your fingers snared in my veins

       I think it's time you pulled them out 

And I don't care about the flesh it'll tear

It isn't flesh that I'm worried about

Someone on tumblr asked:

actually straight edge? 

if so, could you please explain to me why this is. I neither agree nor disagree, just simply curiosity.

I replied: 

I sure am dude.  Although in real life, i like to tell people that i just dont drink. Sound’s less pretentious that way. However that doesn’t mean i’m not proud of what i claim too be. Im straight edge for numerous reason: I was surrounded by drugs & alcohol at an early age, with both Family and friends. And of course, I didn’t want to be an outcast, i joined in too. Which led me to a downward spiral. At the age 15 i had began to  developed memory loss, long and short term, inability to eat and total lack of self-confidence, along with being diagnosed with depression. But the thing that made me rise above it, was more than likely pure hatred. I hated what i had become, and as i watching pathetic family members and friends sit in there own swallow i despised them more and more. I wanted to learn how to conquer my issues, not drown them out with substances. So on my 15th birthday, i quit. ( Just in time for eduction to really kick in) And then at 16, i heard about straight edge and its philosophy.( I didn’t claim edge till around 18) Rather than just sounding like a nerd who’s mum didn’t want to him to drink, it made me feel passionate about my lifestyle choices, and part of something. It made me feel like i wasn’t alone. I am now 20 and at university, surrounded by drugs and alcohol and still havent weakened. And im Proud of myself and so do my friends for my lifestyle choices.

Another reason would be my fear of cancer: Cancer has taken numerous friends and family, and i cant bare to see anyone elts go through that much suffering, Let alone myself. Iv always found smoking a filthy habit anyway. I hate smoking with a passion. Iv never seen the purpose of smoking nether. I understand the relief it gives, but the stimulus is only given in the situation where nicotine has fucked with neurological sensors in your brain, and then you crave the feeling of normality. Pointless. And weak. Addiction is a weak personality trate. And i refuse to become weak to a pointless addiction. Especially in the sense where it can be avoided. But thats my opinion and the question wasn’t about why i hate smoking lol

I belive you should respect your body.

Another reason would be my new mentality that you shouldn’t let your mind or your body waste away when there is a world out there waiting for you! People talk all the time of seizing the day but until you actually do you will never experience that euphoric feeling of being yourself And proud of yourself.  I like being in control, I feel like I’m being tested when life goes wrong, and when i over come it without a crutch, I have become stronger. Strong minded and strong willed. Its 5am in the uk, and iv felt like iv only scraped the surface with why im straight egde, so if you want to talk about it more, id be happy too. Sorry if it made no sense, im pretty delirious right now 

Oh one more thing. When people claim that “lifes too short” Not to enjoy such “pleasures” In life. It makes me want to punch them in the face. LIFE IS PRETTY LONG, YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY IS AROUND 80 YEARS. THATS FUCKING 80 YEARS OF MY LIFE I WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT SUFFERING SOME OBSCURE DISEASE DUE TO ME SMOKING SOME STRANGE SUBSTANCE THAT MADE ME LAUGHT FOR FOR 30 MINUTES WHEN I WAS 18. 30 minutes wasted in my opinion.

I have too many opinions.   

“I cannot promise very much.

I give you the images I know.

Lie still with me and watch.

We laugh and we touch.

I promise you love. Time will not take that away.”

Anne sexton